The last party I went to (2004)

An ex-colleague's birthday in a walkable part of town
I'm 10 years too old to be here a common condition
turn up half cut, look for my pal Luca who's
being the centre of attention with
some lads I don't recognise

Our hostess is playing songs from her iPod
do you remember the iPod did you have one cue
unknown comedian talking head.
Very 80s selections but they sound
good plugged into the big amplifiers.
A-ha followed by The Cure followed by the
Ski Sunday theme followed by the B-52s

Then someone's rugby shirt boyfriend
decides to be the DJ replacing the iPod
everybody wants to be a DJ
with some contemporary tunes that
nobody knows (and yes I do mean me)

I force myself to chat with the lady of the house
and her fabulous teeth also her best friend,
who as we always have to mention,
is [famous guy's] daughter

Then Naomi (not her real name) turns up and I'm
quite excited because I haven't seen her in three years
and we used to be very close (at least I thought so,
though as her boss technically that may fall
into the zone of delusion)

She's resplendent in white I'll say chiffon
like all bridal Christmas caked up; let us
admit it's a fashion I am unacquainted with.
Slimmer, tanned and golden hair a-flowing.

Naomi sweeps over for a chat. She's heading off
to China soon and not for travelling for a real job.

I myself personally speaking have no job and
nowhere to go, also am legle xs

I gaze into her sparkling eyes her taut and
let's face it succulent skin not to mention
her too-big nose (hands up, a mild turn-on)
and also while we're at it, glitter on the cheek.

Her estuary accent has been toned down several degrees.
What has happened in the intervening years. China?

I'm disappointed in the unrelenting JOB TALK
inquisition. I don't want to answer "what have
you added to your CV since I last saw you?" 

Now I love Voodoo Chile (Slight Return and all) but it's 
not a winner and DJ-boy's been yanked from the decks
not decks and the 80s have resumed. 

The Bangles play and we swap some amusing anecdotes.
Blondie play and I tell a rather good joke.

Our hostess and her best friend
so-and-so's daughter turn out to be country folk and
we're soon enjoying a Wurzels medley. This gets them dancing
where Beyoncé and Robbie and Kylie
and especially Jimi Hendrix have failed.
Soon they're all on the floor, elbows akimbo
and jerking about in a style that escapes me

Champagne appears, my pal Luca finally sidles
over 'OK, I've had enough of this shit.'

I glance at Naomi in her wedding dress
surrounded by admirers of her
own generation, bye bye now
say good night to the ladies